How To Ask A Question That Actually Opens Somebody Up

The difference between a thin interview and a rich one is almost entirely in the shape of the question.

Closed questions produce closed answers. Ask whether your grandmother enjoyed school and you will get a yes, a no, or a polite shrug, and the conversation will have to be restarted from cold. Ask her to describe walking to school, who she walked with, what the road was like, what she was carrying, and you have handed her a scene to stand inside. People remember through the senses far more reliably than through dates. They can rarely tell you what year something happened, but they can tell you what the kitchen smelled like, what the radio was playing, what shoes hurt. Build questions out of places, routines, objects and weather, and let the facts arrive on their own.

Ask about first times and last times, because both are sharply remembered. The first day in a new country, the first job, the first time driving alone, the last time the whole family was under one roof. Ask what somebody was afraid of, what they were proud of and never said, what they thought their life was going to be at twenty. Ask about people rather than events: what a particular uncle was actually like to be around, whether he was funny or difficult or both. Character questions produce stories, while event questions produce summaries, and a summary is what you already have.

Follow the energy rather than your list. If the mention of a bicycle makes somebody sit up, abandon the next four questions and stay with the bicycle. A written list is useful as insurance against a blank mind, not as a route to be completed. The best sessions usually end in a place nobody planned, and the material that matters most is often something the speaker considered too ordinary to mention until you asked twice. Keep the list in your pocket, glance at it only when the room goes quiet for the wrong reason, and let curiosity rather than order decide where the hour goes.